I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
