Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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