Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Never joke about your clitoris.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
