Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
