white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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