Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
