She went from zero to smokin in five shots
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
