Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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