Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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