My brain says no but my pants say off.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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