Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
