I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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