He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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