i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
