I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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