She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
