At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
