whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
