He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
