Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
