I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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