Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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