i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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