Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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