dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
