The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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