I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
