It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
