I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I love you. Go after that dick
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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