All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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