Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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