I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
