I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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