Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
