I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Everclear isn't food dammit
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
