he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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