My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
