trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
