i was born a porn star she said
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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