i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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