hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
