when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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