Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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