I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
