Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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