Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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