Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
