I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
