I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
