I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
