The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
