Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
