Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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