I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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