We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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