Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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