can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
