just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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