yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
