i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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